Foxholes and Dogtags

Recovering from Soldieritus. . .

1. I am a Soldier, I have a problem. This is the first step to recovery...

2. Speech:
-Time should never begin with a zero or end in a hundred, it is not 0530 or 1400 it is 5:30 in the morning (AKA God-awful early).
-Words like deck, rack, and "PT" will get you weird looks; floor, bed, work out, get used to it.
-"F *ck" cannot be used to -replace whatever word you can't think of right now, try "um".
-Grunting is not talking.
-It's a phone, not a radio, conversations on a phone do not end in "out"
-People will not know what you are talking about if you tell them you are coming from Camp Lejeune with the MWSS platoon or that you spent a deployment in the OCAC

3. Style:
-Do not put creases in your jeans.
-Do not put creases on the front of your dress shirts.
-A horseshoe cut looks dumb, not motivating.
-A high and tight looks really dumb as well.
-So does a low reg, but not as bad.
-A hat indoors does not make you a bad person, it makes you like the rest of the world.
-you do not have to wear a belt ALL the time.

4. Women:
-Air Force girls are easy, very easy, not all women are this easy and will probably punch you in the nuts if you treat them like Air Force girls.
-Being divorced twice by the time you are 23 is not normal, neither are 6 month marriages, even if it is your first.
-Marrying a girl so that you can move out of the barracks does not make
"financial sense", it makes you a retard.

5. Personal accomplishments:
-In the real world, being able to do pushups will not make you good at your job.
-Most people will be slightly disturbed by you if you tell them about people you have killed or seen die.
-How much pain you can take is not a personal accomplishment.
-The time you got really drunk and passed the sobriety test anyway is also not a personal accomplishment.

6. Drinking:
-In the real world, being drunk before 5pm will get you an intervention, not a "good for you"
-That time you drank a 5th of Jaeger and pissed in your closet is not a
conversation starter.
-That time you went to the combat life saver school and practiced giving vodka iv's will also not be a good conversation starter

6. Bodily functions:
-Farting on your co-workers and then giggling while you run away may be
viewed as "unprofessional".
-The size of the dump you took yesterday will not be funny no matter how big it was, how much it burned, or how much it smelled.
-You can't make fun of someone for being sick, no matter how funny it is
-VD will also not be funny

7. The human body:
-Most people will not want to hear about your balls. Odd as that may seem, it's true.

8. Spending habits:
-One day, you will have to pay bills
-Buying a $30,000 car on a $16,000 a year salary is a really bad idea.
-Spending money on video games instead of on diapers makes you a fool.
-One day you will need health insurance

9. Interacting with civilians (AKA YOU):
-Making fun of your neighbor to his face for being fat will not be normal.

10. Real jobs:
-They really can fire you.
-On the flip side you really can quit.
-Screaming at the people that work for you will not be normal, remember
they really can quit too.
-Taking naps at work will not be acceptable.
-Remember 9-5 not 0530 to 1800

11. The Law:
-Non-judicial punishment does not exist and will not save you from prison.
-Your workplace unlike your command can't save you and probably won't, in fact most likely you will fired about 5 minutes after they find out you've been arrested
-Even McDonalds does background checks, and "conviction" isn't going to
help you get the job
-Fighting is not a normal thing and will get you really arrested, not
yelled at Monday morning before they ask you if you won.

12. General knowledge:
-You can in fact really say what you think about the President in public.
-Pain is not weakness leaving the body, it's just pain.
-They won't wear anything shiny that tells you they are more important then you are, be polite.
-Read the contracts before you sign them, remember what happened the first time.

Hat Tip - Paladyn